Over due

Oh hey due date, you're here, YAY, oh wait there you went, and here we are again, over due, waiting, wondering, psyching out our parents every time we call. (ok that last part is kinda fun)

When I was pregnant with Addiston I saw my due date come and go with much anxiety, I did everything in the book to try to go into labor, most of which just made me exhausted and uncomfortable. This time while I'm fully ready to meet our sweet little one I'm also ok waiting in comfort as opposed to making myself feel sick and tired, leaving myself with no energy to actually labor or deliver this little one. 

I've had so many braxton hicks and false labor this pregnancy that Jared and I were convinced that this little one would make her debut early. Apparently she has other plans. 

Last week I got a sitter for a day and had a quiet lunch, a mani/pedi, and went shopping for nothing I needed with NO KIDS. It was lovely and necessary, and now I'm ready to have a baby!

Final belly photo was taken (if I am pregnant in 2 more weeks I don't want proof)

1st trimester complete

2nd trimester complete

3rd trimester complete

Last Thursday was my 40 week OB appointment, I was technically 39weeks 6 days but who's counting (besides my doctor) Well at my appointment I randomly measured 33/34 weeks instead of 40 which called for an unscheduled ultrasound to check on baby girl. I've consistently measured right on or a week behind depending on how she's been positioned and I've gained weight steadily and a healthy amount (26 pounds) so there wasn't a huge cause for concern but when 2 nurses and a doctor were getting such a drastically small measurement they just wanted to check. She was nestled in my ribs causing her to measure small but she is really an appropriate size, approximately 7lbs 4oz according to what they can measure.

Friday was my due date and I spent the day at MOPS and shopping with my girls (trying to stay active and walk without exhausting myself) a few contractions but nothing to cause me to stop and take note led me to cook a pouty overly fancy dinner because for as long as I can remember cooking has been my happy place. So thankfully my 3 & 5 year old are good eaters because cilantro pesto seared mahi mahi, with a roasted red pepper sauce, and roasted brussel sprouts over parmesan grits were what was for dinner and all four of us cleaned our plates.

Saturday morning lead to 3 dozen muffins, poached eggs overtop of leftover parmesan grits with sautéed kale and red peppers. Loads and Loads of laundry and lots of family play time.

Saturday afternoon we received a call from my OB. She had come in on her off day to do some charting and had finally gotten a chance to review the full ultrasound.  The tech was just suppose to confirm size and if she measured correctly let me leave which she did so I didn't think else. Well, During the ultrasound a 21x29mm mass was found in the right hemithorax (part of the chest) thats about a 1 square inch mass. Her heart is not deviated, and it appears lungs and diaphragm are functioning but that can't be fully confirmed until she's out and has to use them. This mass could be one of a few things: a small diaphragmatic hernia, CTAM, AV malformation or a bronchogenic cyst.

Most of these options would require surgery very very early in life. So we're trying to prepare ourselves and our girls for this as well. We're still processing and planning. I'm a bit of an emotional wreck but trying to prepare for labor/delivery and everything to come. I'm so thankful for the army of prayer warriors across 5 states we have on our side and the ones who gathered around us at the alter on Sunday morning. 


We're praying for healing, wisdom for doctors and ourselves, and peace during this time. Not knowing what it is exactly is hard for my type A planner personality, but we're grateful for wrongly measuring small so the ultrasound was necessary so that we can know as much as possible before she's here.

Today I spent a fun day with the girls. We went to a fancy donut shop and spent too much money on the best donuts we've ever eaten, went shopping for all kid stuff and then visited the daddy at work where they sufficiently screwed up his electronic standing desk by playing with it non stop!

14 Weeks & Vegas

The day I was officially 14 weeks, we were a day past when we were suppose to close on our house, and taking a weekend trip to vegas with Jared's new company.

Being freshly sprung from bedrest and still recovering from, new car, new job and house in Limbo referring to us as stressed was a HUGE understatement. The trip was probably the worst timing possible but oh so necessary. Having a reason to put on make up and wearing something besides yoga pants was just an added bonus!

Small talk about fantasy football isn't my forte, (and thank the lord neither is it Jared's) but we love to travel, see new sights and eat! All of which Vegas provided.

The highlights of the trip included, eating brunch at the top of the stratosphere:

The food and the views were spectacular. 

Getting to go to Vladimir Kush and Chihuly (two of my favorite artists) galleries on the same day! 

Reading an entire book (Go set a watchman) Poolside

Eating Gordon Ramsay's famous Beef Wellington! 

YES! Worth the hype!!

And the appearance of the bump! (earlier than any of my other pregnancies)

14 weeks 3 days Baby the size of a Lemon

We spent most of our time in work functions and trying not to stress about the house closing still being in limbo! We played 0.17 on penny slots (just to say we gambled in vegas) and took more pictures of things we thought the girls would find interesting than things we were actually interested in.

"dancing fountain" which the girls want to see! 

Ours and the girls' souvenirs

We came home to no news on when we would close on the house, but happy girls and a positive outlook from a much needed break!

Lunch with Daddy

When we moved to Nashville 3 years ago we anticipated moving back to somewhere in Ohio in 3-5 years. We often talk about this fact and are still very unsure where we will end up. We just know that our Nashville story isn't finished yet. We jokingly keep a score card for Nashville vs. Ohio and today I think Nashville earned a point or two!

Today my favorite food truck was a block from Jared's office downtown so the girls and I decided to meet him for lunch. Addiston was so excited to see daddy in the middle of the day and it was absolutely beautiful (70 degrees-in November) so we found a good spot on "the green" by a fun fountain and enjoyed some gourmet grilled cheeses!



All the business men got a kick out of Addy yelling how excited she was to see daddy and the "mountains"-fountain and get lots of grilled cheesy's! And I might add that whoever thought to put pumpkin in a grilled cheese is on the short list for my new best friend!

She likes to cheers anything that matches; cups, napkins, toys, and apparently sandwiches.



After we ate I decided why not play in the fountain so we had fun splashing and trying to grab the water and running through when the water was low!


(excuse the yoga clothes I had a self defense class this morning-I usually don't rock the workout clothes outside of a gym!)



Addiston loved playing in the water but was a little intimidated to go by herself. she prefers "flying" through the mist with mom or dad.


After half an hour of playing in the fountain someone got brave and decided to run through on her own

we may be a bad influence as a family because a few tourist families' kids tried to get in on the fountain action and got a swift scolding to step back! OOPS! Sorry we like to have fun with our kids!

This little one was so good the whole time, she just sat in her seat and cooed and smiled!


Nap time was approaching for the older girl and the little one needed to eat so we had to tell the daddy goodbye but not till after a quick stop at my favorite coffee shop!



+1 for Nashville

Pumpkin fest

Please excuse any typos or crazy formatting in this post as it is being written from my phone as Jared and I drive to Canada!

This past weekend was the pumpkin fest!


It delivered the usual pumpkin fest charm! Junk food, junk to buy and family fun!

The girls adorned their pumpkin outfits even though the littlest was strapped to the daddy, hiding her jack-o-lantern romper.

Addiston proclaimed her favorite thing was the food after a failed hand painting experience that ended with a temporary tattoo and a pumpkin cookie to top off the festivities!

Mothers Day

Once again it's been too long since I've posted!
This pregnancy has seemed more exhausting than my pregnancy with Addiston, which really isn't surprising considering I spend most of my time chasing her and not resting! The hardest part of this pregnancy of lately has been craving food that I was raised on. Jared says that Cincinnati is like a food cult, we have Skyline, LaRosa's, Grippo's, Frische's, and other "northern" foods. I wanted a steak hoagie the other night, called a few places and went in one, no body in the south has even heard of a steak hoagie! You can't get goetta her to save your life-nobody knows what that is either (it's a breakfast dish) and legit skyline chili is out of the question! At least I can get that in cans, it's not exact but it beats a blank.

We've been crossing lots of things off of the "get-done-before-we-have-another-baby" list which has taken up most of our free time. We've taken several car loads to good will trying to clear out space for the new little one and we're well underway on her room, my dad should be coming down soon to finish up the painting (he's a pro-so we figured we'd let him do it) and then all that's left is putting it all together.
We have officially decided to name Baby Girl #2 Isabella Grace Miller. Both of Jared's grandmothers names are Ella and we wanted to incorporate their name into our little one's name. No we are not insane closet Twilight fans, we just like the name! And Grace has always been one of my favorite middle names. Addiston is so sweet trying to say Isabella, the Isa never comes out but the Bella part always does, and in the process she looks as if she's going to vomit, sticking her tongue out all the way while saying bell. It's so funny, we laugh every time we ask her what her little sister's name is.

On Fridays I have a Mom's group that I attend at our church, this was our last meeting before summer and instead of having a formal meeting we decided to drop our kids off at church and head out to get pedicures for mothers day. I'm so grateful to have these women in my life. Most of them have more children than I and older children. They have been through the same sicknesses, trials, and are such a comfort in my life. Addiston had become friends with many of their kids and asks to play with them on a regular basis. Most of the time we find this sweet, but when she was asking for a little boy names Gavin "davin" the other night at chick-fil-a Jared decided she's too young to play with boys.
Addiston is doing quite well potty training, we ask her to sit on her big girl potty every time we need to change her diaper and are using cloth diapers more often so she can tell when she's wet. She always tries to go only is successful about 50% of the time but hey she's only 23 months and is doing great, so we're happy.

Our sweet friend Nathan, who I've mentioned before, got engaged two weeks ago, and asked Addiston to be his flower girl, luckily she's got a while before the big day. Addiston LOVES Nathan, and will have her aunt Kara's wedding under her belt so I'm sure she'll do great.

We're in a great routine right now, Addiston's super playful and we have a great balance between her playing with us and playing by herself. Her favorite thing to do is still read but swinging is a close second. We try and go on walks in the evening when the weather is good or we don't have plans and she loves those.

I had my 28 week appointment and learned that I do NOT have gestational diabetes this pregnancy! Hooray! I was told that I had a very high chance of having them this time so I was shocked when the nurse called and told me I didn't, I am however anemic, so I need to take an iron supplement, so no big struggle here.

In other news one of my best friends came to visit a few weeks ago from Virginia and it was so good to spend some time with my dear Kari, she gave me a book "heaven is for real" and somehow I found the time to read it in two days, it was so sweet, and I loved that she told me that I'm going to have an entourage waiting for me in heaven. Today ironically enough would have been the due date of the baby that we miscarried last fall. It was strange to see in on the calendar, but Jared made this mother's day so special for me and Isabella has been doing summersaults all afternoon, reminding me that I indeed have another miracle growing inside me. Addiston actually telling me Happy Mother's Day and saying "love you mama" was the sweetest thing I ever could have asked for, but her daddy got me spa certificate and a new make-up mirror just in case her sweet blessings didn't cut it.
Yesterday I was a wedding coordinator to another friend Lindsay, she was a beautiful bride and the whole day went smoothly even with a few scattered showers. Her photographer offered me a job at the company she and her husband own as a part time wedding planner/coordinator, so who knows maybe I'll go to a few weddings before this baby is born and put my OCD tendencies to good use!
Well it's a little girls bed time and she's trying to lick the ice cream on her pajamas, so I think I'll go cuddle a bit before I crash myself!

scones

We made scones the other morning.
I don’t know why but about 30 seconds after Jared pulled out of the driveway I got the urge to make scones, from scratch.
Now I love to bake, most people who know me know this fact. But since Addy was born I’ve done most of my baking while Jared has been home. Well Addy is getting a little bigger and she has so much interest in what I’m doing in the kitchen so I decided to let her help.

I plopped her up on the counter and she did great, watched me pour and mix and tried to help stir. She watched me roll out the dough and then decided she’d flatten it out a little more by smacking it for five minutes or so.
We waited patiently for them to bake for 20 minutes then she sat pointing very impatiently for ten minutes while I let them cool so that she wouldn’t hate them when she did get to try them.
Well when the girl finally got her hands on them she went to town.



She ate hers, half of mine, and wanted more. I think my kitchen counter may be permanently stained blue,

but it was totally worth it!

balance

Addiston woke up about 10 times friday night after taking two hours to go down in the first place and I think each of us spent and hour slumped over the railing of her crib with eyes closed, patting her back and praying, for the love of God, that she wouldn't cry when the decision to finally withdraw a hand (gradually, of course, because any mom knows a full-on patting session must first decrease to a slower pat, then slower, then slow plus light, then lighter--until your fingertips are barely grazing their back. Then and only then can you quietly pull away with the chance they won't realize you've dismissed yourself).

She woke up for good when the sun was barely spilling its light into our bedroom window, and for a moment--in my squint-eyed, slow-to-rise wake-up mode--I considered canceling all plans for the day, but a cup of coffee later, I was psyched.

Someone had their first ice cream!




I love weekends. Usually we have a hundred and one things to do and never seem to find the time to fit them all in but this weekend was different, we had no set plans, just summer-stuff, like mow the grass (all jared) pull weeds, fold laundry, organize the spare bedroom that seems to have become a dumping ground for every lost sock, uncased DVD, broken doo-dad, undesirable thing-a-ma-jig and all things missing. We balanced it out with some time for fun, tickle parties, swinging, playing with the new water table that she flippin' loves, and of course some relaxing!


Addy's schedule's off, and she yearns to be secured to my hip and in sight of me at all times which makes for more trying days...and nights, but this too shall pass and when she's 16 and sleeps 18 hours on weekends I'll remind Jared of these days and how it' all balances out.



I look at balance a bit differently now. It isn't a game of keeping score so much where good and bad, chaotic and quiet, stressful and restful have to be even players in our home but more so a measure of our response to harmonize the presence of whatever circumstances happen to be hovering. When challenges come, we accept them, learn from them, chop and puree those dang lemons into something sweet and likewise, when the good and easy comes, we drink it in gulps knowing that, like hardships, it won't last forever. And sleep deprivation is always remedied with an afternoon iced coffee and the best dessert ever!


(yes that is a chocolate-chip cookie topped with an oreo then covered with a brownie)

We had friends over Saturday night, it was casual, laid back and fun. Sunday consisted of amazing burgers after church and becoming "family" with our good friend Nathan, ok so maybe only Verizon considers us family but psh, we're saving money so I'm happy! Then we decided to go to his place to balance it out that he comes to our place about 50 times for each time we go to his. And I must say my favorite quote from the afternoon, "you think your house is safe till there's a baby in it!" it's ok Nathan the 3 head bumps caused no serious damage! He loves her and it's so sweet (someday I'll get a picture of them together), it balances out the 10,000 "aunts" she has that claim her.



Addiston is become quite personable, saying hi to every single person we passed today at the grocery, where not to brag or anything I saved about $50, but in true fashion it balanced out when I had to drive back to the store to be refunded for the 34? green peppers I had bought (it was suppose to be a price match for 1 pepper at 34 cents!) Ah the cosmic scheme of things.

As balance would have it, I've just smashed my arm into cream cheese, and its sticky remains are glued to my forearm. Addy is unhappily waiting from bed, and we are avoiding, trash cans that need to be put away, toys scattered throughout the entire top floor, a basket of towels that need folding and a house with closed blinds that, if open, would reveal a hot mess that calls for clean-up.

When sleep schedules are amended, order will resume. Until then, have a happy week.

growing

The little one has become increasingly interested in "real food" she usually prefers baby food but always wants to try our food. It has made me increasingly aware of what I eat. If I'm sitting in front of her eating a sandwich and chips, I have no problem ripping off a piece of whole wheat bread and letting her munch on it, or some all natural cheese, she doesn't tend to like the tomato or onion, and she'll normally forgo the second offering of my sandwich for some of her food but will unavoidably yell and reach for my potato chips, which I will NOT share with her. So with little eyes seeing everything and her new ability to mimic almost everything I do we have begun munching on apple slices, veggies, or more baby sharable snacks!

She is growing up so much, she reaches for things and turns them over and over in her hands as if she's inspecting them trying to figure out how they work, she climbs on top of things and has mastered going up the stairs, she will randomly start laughing and I can't wait until she can tell me why she thinks the meat section of the supermarket is so hilarious. It's only a few short weeks until her birthday and the pink decor has already begun to take over the spare bedroom! She even got her first present in the mail the other day! From her BFF Lily!


**********

Wednesday I was shaken, Shaken in a way that allowed things to shift the ground beneath me and unsettle everything. A dear friend lost her mother to cancer. I cried; called Jared and my dad. It consumed me for the rest of the day and well into the night. I whispered her name, prayed for the family, closed my eyes and tried to will peace into their brokenness. You hear of these things on the news, they seem totally normal. But I know this family. And the looming truth of Sometimes Bad Things Happen to Good People made me feel stifled and afraid. I hurt for her and what hurst the most is knowing that there is nothing I or anyone can do make her hurt any better.


I held Addy a little tighter, that night, knowing that I won't always be here, and someday she'll have to go it on her own.

There will never be answers for so many of life's grandest questions, and the unsettling ground of "what if" will shake us as parents many times along this journey. And while pain does not flow well with what we all have in mind for our future and what we strive every to day to achieve, it is a part of this world and the great catalyst for challenging us to love bigger and better every day.

The rawness of Wednesday's reality will fade, allowing me to sink back into the mundane rhythms of daily life: to-do lists, projects, shoes, new recipes, wants, frustrations. Because our brains are not Bible bookstore plaques and, while it would be nice to be programmed to "Seize the Day" and look "On the brighter side" at every given second, the unimportant has its place too, balancing the defining moments, softening the blows. We need unimportant. And, as crazy as it sounds, we need to forget once in awhile, to get lost in silly pleasures like shoes and coffee, movies and books, planning trips and renovating bathrooms. Together, it brilliantly combines for a good life, allowing moments we remember. The important and the unimportant, the good and the bad, the growing pains accompanied by the different seasons of our lives.