Charlotte Elizabeth Miller-A Birth Story

She is here, She is perfect, she is a miracle and the answer to prayers I didn't have to words to pray.

How can it be that over a month has passed since we welcomed our dear girl? I just want to slow down time. To be able to take more deep breaths and bask in the newness of her, the tininess of her toes and the sweet way her lower lip quivers when she cries. It's true what they say, that with each baby time moves faster; it doesn't really, but, you get less time one on one with each of them, so I fully believe that because your time is sparse you appreciate the baby stage more!

Jared and I took notes of the boring details while I was in labor and I took my time processing all of the emotions that accompany the experience. I'm finally in a place where I'm ready to stop hoarding the blessing and share what came to be our but mostly her story! Because who am I to keep it? Sharing a miracle doesn't diminish the sanctity of it, but multiplies it. And I'm fully aware that I'm currently cuddling my third little miracle in my arms, and the love and gratitude is overwhelming. I can't think on it too long because it reminds me how little I deserve it.

Wednesday March 23 we had our home school community day. I taught to distract myself from being almost 2 weeks over due. It went well. My mind was thoroughly distracted for 3 hours and as soon as I sat down in the van to drive home my body decided to catch me up on what it had been doing the last three hours. I felt cramping and contractions but they weren't anything that made me take note so home we went. On the way I called Jared to let him know that I thought labor was starting so he came home from the office and got home just shortly after we did. The rest of the afternoon I spent bouncing on a yoga ball, taking warm baths, baking and attempting to watch movies cuddled up with the girls since I knew it was all about to change.

After Addiston and Isabella were in bed my contractions got stronger but they were still 7-10 minutes apart. I was in obvious pain but didn't even want to call the doctor because with trying to VBAC I knew the only thing they would say was to go to the hospital and I wasn't going anywhere until I was positive it was time to have this baby. That night was pretty much a blur, I tried to rest. I slept in 5 minute increments, but tried to stay quiet so Jared could get as much sleep as possible. He was up with me several times, getting water and snacks and rubbing my back.

By the time the sun was up Thursday we both knew that this was it and called the parents. Mine were already planning to come down that day for the back-up c-section scheduled for friday. So they might have hurried a little more but were already prepped and ready. Lots of counter pressure, yoga ball bouncing and a few ineffectual hot showers later I called it. It was noon and Contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and made it difficult to stand or breathe through them. My parents were still a few hours out so I called my friend Kari (who was 37 weeks pregnant herself) she and her daughter came over to hold down the fort till my parents arrived.

Last shot as a family of 4

Jared and I arrived at the hospital at 1:15. I got my oh-so-stylish gown and was hooked up to a monitor. I was well into active labor with HARD contractions now coming every 2-3 minutes. Jared and I took guesses as to how dilated I was (6&7) and we were both way wrong, I was only at a 3. I was so upset, I had been laboring for almost a day and was only a 3.  I hadn't progressed from 1cm, 50% effaced since 37 weeks so we agreed that progress was progress and at that point were excited that no matter what we were leaving the hospital with our baby, one way or another. Since we were attempting a VBAC I had to be hooked up to monitors continually, basically meaning I had a three foot tether to my bed. I paced, Jared brought my yoga ball, I did squats, leaned over the bed and did lots of deep breathing, while Jared spent the larger part of the next several hours applying counter pressure to my hips during every contractions. Four hours later I finally let the nurse check me again, contractions weren't getting any closer but they were so much stronger. She said she could feel scar tissue on my cervix that basically needed to tear in order for me to fully dilate. At 5pm I was 4cm, 100% effaced and -1 station. I was discouraged. I didn't know how much longer I could go and didn't believe my body would do what it should and that I might be looking at my third c-section.

 I don't remember doing much more than cry for the next hour strait, I was in PAIN, I was afraid of another surgery, I just wanted to hold my baby. Jared kept encouraging me and helping me as much as he could, but I could tell he was running out of steam too. I had been laboring on a 3 foot leash for 4 hours, and had only progressed one lousy centimeter. My body was trying to go into transition but couldn't because of a residual scar tissue from a decade ago. My body was working overtime trying to break the scar tissue and it was then that I told Jared I didn't think I could do it, that I thought my body just wasn't cut out for having babies and that I wanted to go ahead and get an epidural so that if I had to have a c-section I would be ready. He let the hospital staff know, and about an hour later I was getting poked with a foot long needle.

We had a sweet nurse who had several years experience under her belt and was so respectful of me and my birth plan. She could tell how discouraged I was getting and lingered in the room a little longer than normal when she was checking the babies vitals. She walked over to the infant bed in the corner and began to remove the sterile seal. She got out a blanket from the drawer under it, opened the infant blood pressure cuff and set out a little pink and blue stripped hat, she looked at me and said, "you're going to do this, I don't break this seal unless a baby is going to use this bed," (c-section babies don't use the in-room bed, they get one in the O.R.) I sarcastically chuckled, I didn't have the energy to come up with a witty comment. She said, "I've been doing this a long time and trust me I know when a baby is coming on their own and when we've got to call the doctor to go in and get 'em" For the first time since checking into the hospital I believed that I could do this and that I would get to avoid another c-section.

An hour later my doctor stopped by on her way out of the office and a new nurse (shift change) came to check me again, I was now to 6cm. I was in shock. It took me 24 hours to dilate from a 1 to a 3 and four hours to go from 3 to 4 and then in an hour I progressed from a 4 to a 6, 2cm in 1 hour was an answer to my prayers! Ever since we had the post-due-date ultrasound and found out about the mass in Charlotte's chest I had been tense, (I had actually regressed in effacement from week 40 to 41 and my doctor said that was normal given the situation) I'm not exactly an easy going person by nature but fearing whats going to happen when my baby was finally born made me even less at ease. Jared had been saying for almost a month that if I would just relax that my body would probably do it's thing and I'd be able to go it labor. Well I guess he was right. For the first time in a month, thanks to the epidural, I was forced to relax and my body was able to do it's thing.

I was getting excited, at this point I fully believed that I would deliver my baby. I tried to relax as much as possible knowing that I'd need all the energy I could muster for the actual delivery.

Two hours later (9:30) I had dilated to an 8. My contractions were a minute apart and with each one Charlotte's heart rate would dip just a bit lower than they liked. From that point on I got to sport a not-at-all annoying oxygen mask.

The nurses stayed close after that. Half an hour later (10pm) I was at 9cm, My doctor  was called, she only lives 10-15 minutes from the hospital so she had been at home (watching youtube music spoof videos) I asked to have the epidural turned off and my nurse thought I was crazy but I wanted to feel contractions and when to push. She reluctantly obliged.

By 10:15 I was fully dilated, and charlotte had apparently come down the birth canal hard and fast. People seemed to come from nowhere, there were spotlights and mirrors and extra nurses. My doctor wasn't there yet so one of the nurses helped me get set up and do a couple practice pushes. I wasn't feeling the full extent of my contractions yet but I could feel pressure and was able to help hold my legs up. My doctor literally ran in the room out of breath. She was just as excited as I was for this to finally be happening and ran to change, a few minutes later she was in front of me, gowned and masked. At 10:25 I started pushing. One of the nurses counted slower than I thought was possible with each contraction to keep me pushing for as long as possible. With each push I could feel more and more and that made it so much easier to know what to do. Jared held the oxygen mask on me so I could hold myself up to my legs and focus on pushing. My sweet doctor was literally my cheerleader, I don't think she stopped encouraging me for one minute. Between every push I just kept thanking God for this opportunity, I had wanted so badly to be able to deliver my baby myself and I was. Then the doctor said "give me one last good push" and at 10:43 on March 24, 2016 Charlotte Elizabeth was born.

It was surreal, I watched them clean out her, quivering little mouth (we later learned she had taken a big gulp of amniotic fluid on her way out) and place her damp little body on my chest. I was so relieved that she was crying, breathing on her own, without trouble, that she was pink, and I was able to hold her and pray over her. She was (and is) an answer to so many prayers!

The next hour was spent being stitched up (2nd degree tear) and annoying the nurses because I wouldn't let them take Charlotte to the nursery to be examined. I had to be separated from my first to girls for hours before I even got to hold them, I had my baby and I wasn't giving her up. They found the mobile scale and necessary instruments and brought them to us. She weighed 7lbs 7ozs,  was 20 inches long. (small for being 2 weeks past due) and they got the cutest little foot prints.

After she was done being inspected, we swaddled her up and got to just be still. To watch her open her eyes and calmly look around, to breathe deep breaths, and hiccup, and cry soft little cries of a newborn who needs for nothing but is simply figuring out how to cry.

The next morning my parents brought Addiston and Isabella to meet their new little sister.

 

They were and still are smitten. Isabella declared that she was done being a little sister and that now she and Addy were twin big sisters. While in true Addiston fashion my firstborn just took it all in, beaming with pride.


The rest of the day was littered with vitals being checked, visitors, attempting to nurse (she didn't want to eat because her tummy was full of amniotic fluid) and attempts to rest. They did a chest x-ray of Charlotte in the late afternoon, it like the sonogram pre-birth was inconclusive.

We were told we could take her home that evening but we've done this before, were nervous about the mysterious mass in her chest, and our 3 year old still doesn't sleep through the night so we opted for another night at the hospital with nurses keeping a watchful eye on our girl and Jared and I attempting to sleep on 3" plastic mattresses.

Saturday morning we got to bring her home.

Sunday was Easter and because my parents were here to make breakfast and coffee and get the girls ready and because the sleep deprivation hadn't fully kicked in yet we went to church! (with a 3 day old!?!) And in true Easter fashion we all matched.

The rest of the week was spent anxiously awaiting her CT scan which was scheduled for friday and loving on our sweet new little one.

Friday came and early in the morning before Jared and I were fully functioning we were at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital waiting. Waiting for her name that she hadn't even learned yet to be called, for a test I didn't fully understand to be preformed, waiting for a sweet southern lady to give us instructions, waiting for an elderly st. nick-esque man to walk us s-l-o-w-l-y down the hall to the procedure room, waiting to feed a hungry baby in hopes that a milk coma would keep her still enough for the machines that we wouldn't have to sedate her 7 pound tiny body.

We had been told contrast wouldn't be necessary only to find out it was. I understood the reasoning why and we obliged, only to need to wait more. A pediatric nurse calling a nicu nurse to do the IV because your baby is tiny and new will slap you with a reality check like a cold wind in december. Standing in the corner of a tiny hospital room hearing her first scream of pain while they stick her is hard but the fear of whats on the other side of the test is harder. Jared helped hold her little body and spoke softly to her. After she was all set, I was given the go ahead to feed her to which I was so relieved because it meant I finally got to hold and comfort my baby.

After the milk coma ensued we watched as her tiny body which barely filled the head holder of the machines conveyor belt go in and out of what sounded like a malfunctioning rocket ignition.

Then we got to take her home. To wait.

We were told by the st. nick-esque man that it would probably be Monday before we heard anything, but that if we called our pediatrician and got her to call the hospital and bug them enough they may be able to get us results that day. So call our pediatrician, and bug her so that the effect would continue on up the medical food chain, we did.

A few hours later we received a call.

Her CT Scan had shown no mass, no signs of a mass and no inconsistencies. There were no need for follow-up or extra tests. She was perfectly healthy.

My mind couldn't grasp it.

In that moment my chest lightened. I hadn't realized it but I had been clinging to and cherishing each moment not for the beauty of the moment and her precious newness but for not knowing what the future held, for fear and maybe a little bit of hope. I had prayed, Jared had prayed, our family had prayed and our friends in our church, town, across the country and on the other side of the world had prayed, some even came into our home and anointed my very pregnant belly. And I shouldn't have been surprised when God answered those prayers! I don't have to fear for her future. Because He is faithful. And my tiny little mustard seed of faith was nothing compared to His faithfulness, and for that we are eternally grateful.

She is here, She is perfect, she is a miracle and the answer to prayers I didn't have to words to pray.

Isabella Grace-A Birth Story

It brings me to tears to try and express the miracles that have occurred in our lives these last few days! She is here! She is perfect. She has changed me. She is everything I never knew I always wanted!

Wednesday morning came just as it should have, like any other day, Addiston woke us up. My parents were here and we all sat around the kitchen table as I made pancakes-that I wasn't allowed to eat. We took longer showers than we usually would, knowing they would be the last of their kind, and got ready to head to the hospital.

Last shot as a family of 3!


Ready to be a big sister!


Jared and I spent a little time alone with Addy and we all prayed together for Isabella and myself before we had to leave for the hospital. We got the hospital in true fashion-20 minutes late! We were ushered through the regulatory processes of gowns, vitals, and pre-op procedures. After the commotion died down Jared and I had a little down time to ourselves before they wheeled me back.



We talked about our fears of adding another baby to the mix, and making sure we balance time between both girls. I expressed my fears of undergoing major surgery and we prayed for peace, safety and a healthy girl.

We headed back to the OR and Jared sat in the hall while I became a floating head.



I had worked tediously on a birthing playlist when I had Addiston and subtly tweaked it for Isabella's birth. Little did I know that the doctor gets to pick the music in the OR and Isabella was born to a bluegrass mix from none other than steve martin's band. (father of the bride is my favorite movie so it could have been worse) I had 2 of the same nurses this stay as I did with Addiston as well as the same anesthesiologist. And can I just say that after 14 hours of hard labor with Addiston, Tom-the anesthesiologist looked like a knight in shining armor, this time when he walked in my room a little voice in my head said-what were you thinking?!?

20 minutes into surgery she was born, She is Perfect. Weighing in at 7lbs, 2 oz and measuring 20 inches long, she was bigger than I thought she would be considering how sick I was this pregnancy and that she was born 6 days before her due date. When they were taking her out the doctor exclaimed "woah, look at that cord" nothing else was said and I didn't think much of it. Later I was told that the umbilical cord was wrapped around Isabella's neck twice. Thank the Lord for a scheduled necessary c-section!

The first time I got to see my girl.



The hardest part for me of having c-section babies is that when they are born they are taken away. She was quickly passed over my head, wiped down and I was allowed to kiss her forehead and let my tears fall from my cheek to her shoulder. However I believe that God knows what he's doing and that my sweet, shy, husband needs this alone time with his girls before I swoop in and hog them. Its a beautiful thing to witness, Jared falling in love with his daughters.

Jared and Isabella were escorted to the nursery for a more thorough inspection and I spent the rest of the surgery, about an hour praying and thanking God for another miracle baby and a healthy one at that. I can't believe that I am so blessed as to have 2 perfect, healthy girls, when 5 years ago doctors questioned my ability to have children at all.

Roughly and hour after she was born I got to hold her for the first time.



I spent some time in tears of joy while Jared told me how perfect she was and how beautiful we both were. We both were so overwhelmed with joy that things had gone smoothly! After a bit Jared went to the waiting room to fetch the big sister who was waiting with my family.



Addiston loves her little sister, she exclaimed "Isabella came out to see you" and was thrilled that we let her hold the baby.  The rest of the family came in, to meet her and then rather quickly left so that I could nurse and recover from being sliced in half.

I am so thankful for God's grace and goodness to us and blessing us with our girls.  He knew exactly what I needed when pairing me with Jared, that he is the perfect daddy to our girls and exactly what I need. It was just the three of us, alone in quiet, Jared and I amazed and grateful for our girl. Her tiny perfect features, and her beauty.

False Alarm

This past weekend we decided it was a good idea to make the 8 hour trek to Ohio. Leaving Thursday afternoon we ventured to Cincinnati where we had a layover at my parents house and I got my fill of Cincinnati food that I had been craving. Friday morning I got to go wedding dress shopping with my big sister, and while I can't post a picture (because those sorts of things are suppose to be a surprise) her dress is beautiful! Friday afternoon we continued our venture to Jared's family.



Saturday afternoon was Kara's (Jared's sister) Bridal shower. A ton of people came out, and she got a lot of really nice things!



I may have overdone it with the shopping and shower helping because towards the end of the shower I started to have contractions. I have had these a few times so I more or less ignored them and continued doing whatever I wanted. Oops! Probably not the best idea, because my contractions continued and got stronger and closer together. After 6 hours Jared and I decided it was time to throw in the towel and after a call to my doctor and consulting some of my mom friends we headed home.

Hoping to make it the whole 8 hour trip Jared stocked up on sunflower seeds, coffee and some strange sort of energy drink (the one that promotes his favorite video game) after about 2 1/2 hours in the car I turned on the heated seat and as luck would have it that helped slow my contractions. 90 minutes later we felt safe enough to stop at my parents house for some rest.

Sunday morning we headed South and when we finally arrived home I was still having contractions, not regular but still pretty strong, some friends came over to watch Addiston so we could both go to the hospital per my doctors advice.



After a few hours and a few tests, we were told I needed to take it easy and that a 16 hour road trip at 35 weeks pregnant probably wasn't my best idea! I'm doing much better now, still the occasional reminder that I'm carrying another human around and need to slow down but in our panic of Isabella joining us early we did get a few things done!

Addiston Rose Miller-Birth Story

It takes my breath away to write this. To think about the miracles that have flown in steady stream into my life lately. The joy and transformation that I had anticipated yet unknowingly been completely unable to fathom. She is here. She is my delight. She is everything that I never knew I had wished for. She has changed me. She is Perfect.

Since monday when I had my field trip to Labor and Delivery I had been experiencing some contractions, they were irregular at times but for the most part were 15-20 minutes apart all week. They weren't building in strength or anything that I couldn't handle, for the most part I was even able to get some sleep at night through them.

Last Thursday afternoon my father-in-law was passing through town, he does this from time to time and Jared and I always meet him for the meal that could coincide with his timing. On this occasion it was lunch, in horrible pregnant lady fashion I was a failure at craving anything so I made Jared decide where we would meet his dad for lunch. As luck would have it he wanted chinese, not the good kind where you have menu's and giant marble figure heads outside of the restaurant but the cheap buffet kind. The kind of chinese food that no matter what you end up regretting within 24 hours of eating it. So China King it was, about 2 miles down from his office we all met and ate. While we were eating I noticed that my ever present contractions were stronger than they had been. The kind that make you hold your breath an pause for a little more than a second. (Yes I know you're suppose to breath when having a contraction but you try and rhythmically breath when you're being punched in the gut)

After lunch I drove home, very very slowly drove home, in the far right lane, going under the speed limit, trying not to grimace and close my eyes while driving through contractions. As soon as I got home I laid down in bed. I began to time my contractions and like clock work they were 4-6 minutes apart lasting a minute each. The strength at which they peaked was getting stronger and I could feel myself start to tense up a few seconds before one would actually hit in a fearful anticipation of them. After 3 hours of drinking multiple glasses of water and trying to rest and slow the painful waves that were slowly taking over my body I faced the reality that this was it. I called Jared and told him that he needed to leave work early that I was sure that this was the real thing and that I needed to go to the hospital.

When we arrived at the hospital, I was given a gown, hooked up to a monitor and put in one of the oh-so-comfy hospital beds. After an hour of contractions consistently hitting at 4 minutes the nurse checked my cervix, I was still only 2cm dilated. The same that I had been all week. I was nearly devastated, 6 hours of contractions that were getting harder and stronger had done nothing to prepare my body for labor. The nurse explained that they couldn't officially admit me until there were signs of true labor (meaning I had to dilate) After 3 more hours of contractions, being checked every hour, the nurse offered to give me something for the pain that was so frequently ruining my magical experience I had planned on. I accepted her offer and for the next 6 hours I waited, in pain, trying to relax, being internally checked every hour.

Relax, thats the best thing you can do when you're having a contraction. make the rest of your body limp and focus on breathing while your body does what is natural and tries to prepare to get that baby out. To a certain point this is possible, I had lots of time to practice and about midnight the nurse complimented me on my ability to relax the rest of my body and breathe perfectly through a contraction. (This doesn't make them hurt any less) Relaxing helps to calm the baby, and with the in between periods.

Before Jared and I were married I had some pretty serious medical issues with my "reproductive system" leaving some scarring on my cervix. the nurse warned me that because of this labor may take longer to commence but that usually once it finally got underway it would go pretty quickly. At one point in the middle of the night she asked if it were on if she tried to help me and I agreed not fully knowing what she meant. She then proceeded to attempt to pop the ring of scar tissue, resulting in me screaming while at the same time being unable to breathe.

Jared laid in bed with me and supported my back through most of the night, letting me unintentionally dig my nails (which were freakishly long due to prenatal vitamins) into his arm when a hard contraction would hit. He barely slept, except for that one time he fell asleep standing up. :) He was wonderful, coaching me through breathing, when it was hard, telling me what a great job I was doing and how proud of me he was. Everything I hoped for and needed; he was.

Around 5am when the nurse checked me she said that I had finally dilated to 3cm and that I was able to be admitted. She had done all of the paperwork slowly throughout the night so that once the time came it was more of a formality. (Her shift ended at 6 and she wanted to make sure everything was done before she left so that I didn't have to wait for anything-Bless her) By 6am I had blood taken, an IV put in (18 gauge needle-for prego's) and was being prepped for my epidural. We were given the ok to call in family and warn them of the eminent arrival of their newest member.

Tom, he was the epidural man. A late twenties/early thirties guy with respectable sized biceps and hair a little to long to be considered well-kept. We like Tom! He was calm, not rude, the way that some hospital personnel are, (like hey, I do it everyday so get over your fear and let me do my job) He was patient, explaining what he was going to do and waiting for me to wrap my mind around it. I sat on the edge of the bed with my feet dangling. Jared stood in front of me holding both of my hands. First he gave me a small shot to numb the area that he would be doing the big stuff. It barely hurt, seriously. I think all pricks hurt, no matter how small the needle, so I don't know if it was the last 18 hours of contractions or the fact that I was scared stiff but this prick hurt less than any of my life. Then after about a minute he told me to lean as far over as I could and tuck my head down. I gripped Jared and felt pressure go into my spine. I was so scared I don't even remember if I was breathing or not. It was over. No pain, just pushing, no tears, or screaming, I wasn't paralyzed, I was slowly going numb. After another thirty minutes or so I could barely feel my legs and had very little control of them, or anything else on the lower half of my body.

My doctor finally made her appearance around 8 am to check me and see how I was progressing and accidently broke my water. She was planning on doing so with hi-tech medical tools but when she was doing a routine check touched something and well, that was that.

I had expected things to go rapidly as the nurse had anticipated from that point, but I was not so lucky. I was finally able to rest, mainly thanks to Tom and his miraculous ability. The next few hours passed slowly. There was change but it happened very slowly. My family finally arrive around noon, and were relieved to find out that they hadn't missed the grande finale however slightly disappointed that they were stuck in the middle of the waiting game right along with us. Friends filed in, leaving work early, and squeezing in a short visit during a lunch break.

After a few more hours of slow and steady progress I spiked a slight fever, just over 100. The nurse seemed more concerned than I felt was necessary and the next hour seemed like a blur, something (I know it's horrible that I don't remember what) was administered through my IV, my epidural checked and strengthened, a non-hourly check of how far I had dilated, and my doctor called. I was 7 1/2 cm dilated. only 4 1/2 cm in about 12 hours (that's depressing) It had been been 30 hours since I had eaten anything and 36 hours since I had slept. I was beyond exhausted and had very little presence of mind to make informed decisions.

My doctor called from her practice to tell me that she was worried that there was a problem. I wasn't dilating as I should be and it was causing a lot of stress on my body and the baby was starting to feel some of that stress. She explained that a fever is normally a sign that things have already gone too far and that she wanted to do a c-section. My eyes immediately filled with tears. I was scared, I didn't know what to say or what to do, I wanted to protect my baby girl from anything that could hurt her but at the same time I couldn't control the overwhelming fear that gripped my heart and nearly stopped my breathing.

Jared who had been in the waiting room informing our family and friends of the fever and possible outcomes walked into the room. I told him what the doctor said and he just gripped my hand as I cried. He leaned forward and told me that I was going to be fine and our girl was going to be fine and that he would be there through it all. He sat on the edge of my bed, held my hand tight and prayed for us.

Deep down in my heart of hearts I knew I didn't have an option, they like to make you think you do and make you feel comfortable, in control, calm, but the look on the nurse's face and the sound in my doctor's voice told me that this was happening.

I asked to see my dad, (my rock) he came in the room to what I'm sure were bloodshot eyes, and tear stained cheeks (bless my family for not documenting that) he sat in the chair beside my bed, held the hand Jared wasn't and as tears filled his eyes said that everything was going to be ok. He didn't know all of what was happening and had no way of assuring me of anything but something about hearing your daddy tell you everything is going to be ok makes it ok. I asked him to (mainly for Jared's sake) and he explained from his standpoint what a c-section was like (I was one).

After a few minutes the doctor arrived and cleared the room. She checked me again and said that I was about 8cm but that they couldn't wait, they had to go ahead with the c-section. She explained in much more elegant terms that my hips (or lack there of) just weren't allowing for the baby to make her way down. She wasn't able to put the necessary pressure on my cervix to make it dilate the final bit and that she had been in there trying for so long that it was starting to get dangerous, hence the fever.

I was given a super strong dose of something in my epidural and within minutes was unable to hold my eyes open. Our clan came in from the waiting room to wish me luck, pray for me, and head back out.

Jared was given a very becoming man onesie to wear, I was unhooked from the monitors in my room and we were off. In the operating room I was laid in what they call the Jesus position (yes the seriously call it that) arms, strait out on either side. Jared sat by my head which was the only part of my body visible since a sheet was hung at my chin.

The process which I'm told was quite quick from there seemed to drag. I felt pressure and pulling, The smell Jared and I agree was the worst part. (We all know I could never be a doctor, so I'll stop there) I just wanted them to announce she was out, she was healthy, perfect, and I wanted to hear her cry. After what seemed like hours there it was, that cry, the soft wailing that sounds like a lamb stuck out in the rain.

Jared was led away to be with her, I could barely turn my head and wasn't able to see him nor her. I didn't even realize I was crying until I felt hot tears fall into my ears. Then there she was.


Drowsy, warm and perfect. I wanted so badly for them to place her on my chest. To be able to hold her, count here little fingers and toes, kiss every part of her, thank God for her, but then as quickly as she had been introduced to me she was gone. I lay there grateful that after more than nine months of waiting and worrying she was there and healthy, yet devastated at the same time. I wanted my girl, I wanted to just be with her. I had waited so long, and now here I was alone in this operating room with a bunch of nurses and doctors all looking at my abdomen. Jared and Addiston were taken to the nursery where she was measured, weighed and introduced through glass to her family

(thank the nurse who stole the camera from my precious husband to capture these moments I was unable to witness)




And then FINALLY, I got to meet our girl.


There were tears but not as many as I had anticipated, that had passed, all that was left was joy.

The family and friends were ushered in to meet her, and as quickly as they had come, were escorted out as apparently I had just received major surgery and needed to rest. My epidural was taken out, and Jared and Addiston were taken back to the nursery for her first bath.



I was allowed to nurse for he first time. We did great, she ate like a pro, (I'm gonna give thanks to my big sister, and her coaching me since her first was born for that feat) Jared changed her first diaper (I was so proud)

He was made to be a Daddy. One glimpse of him with her and I'm convinced. The way he talks to her, nestles her in the crook of his elbow and holds her close with just one arm, the way his face lights up whenever she meets his gaze. He's her perfect Daddy, and I can't explain how my heart swells to see them together.

Then it was quiet, Jared and I alone with our girl for the first time. She was quiet, going in and out of sleepy bliss. Healthy. Perfect. My dream come true.

Labor and Delivery

Yesterday I got to take a field trip.

This was not the type of field trip where you take a permission slip home for you parents to sign and anticipate for weeks on end until finally you get a blessed day away from the monotony of school to the sanctity of the zoo or the state court house or if your lucky the children's museum! This was an unexpected field trip, with little warning and no preparation!

I woke up with cramps, in my lower abdomen wrapping around to my back. I'm had a few stints of unpleasantries throughout pregnancy but for the most part I've been blessed! I did the normal things that are suggested when you are in pain and preggers. I drank a ton of water, laid down and rested and finally topped it off with a warm bath. Nothing was helping so I gave in a called the doctor.

To my surprise they told me to go strait to Labor and Delivery, that to them it sounded like I was in labor. I didn't feel like I was in labor, but heck what do I know this is my first time doing all this so I took their advice and headed in.

Jared was already at work and I called and told him I was going in but that I was almost positive the baby wasn't coming so just to stay put and I would keep him updated.

They checked my cervix, still only 1cm dilated, hooked me up to a monitor that tracked Addiston's heart rate and my contractions that apparently I was having every few minutes. (HA-for those of you who thought me a wimp, I didn't even know I was having contractions, that's how tough I am) After an hour or so they checked me again, no change. They said I could wait there and be bored or go home but that they were positive I wasn't having a baby any time soon. I opted to head out! The nurse assured me that I was in Labor just the very early stages of it and that may take a few days before things start to get real with this being my first child and all.

Tiffany came to the hospital to sit and be bored with me! So we went out to lunch, grocery shopping, then back to my house for the afternoon.

36 hours later and still numbing constant cramping mainly in my lower back. Today the doctor told me just to try and rest and that we could discuss things further at my appointment on Thursday. So here we go, 4 days past my due date and no significant signs of baby in sight.

However on the bright side my husband has taken sympathy on me and offered to cook me dinner and rub my back tonight, I think I could milk this a few more days, hehehe.

Walking

As many of you know Thursday was my due date, and well...She's still in there.

I had a doctor's appointment first thing in the morning where I learned that there was very little change going on. I'm barely over a centimeter dilated now however the doctor was able to touch the baby's head, that's good but not the most important thing that needs to be happening so slightly irrelevant as far as I'm concerned.

As soon as I was done with my appointment I drove across town to meet my friend Tiffany at the mall to walk. (She's a teacher and is out for summer and volunteered to assist me in getting this kid out!) We walked for six hours total. One of those hours was at a slightly slower pace because we shopped, but for the most part we kept good time.

I read somewhere that walking up stairs helps push the baby down so they are in better position to come out and going up stairs two at a time does an even better job of this. I don't know if any of this is scientific but frankly I didn't think it could hurt so every chance I got I chose the stairs over ramps. At one point is pretended I was five years old again and spent several minutes attempting to walk up the down escalator in an isolated corner of the mall.

So there we are it's Thursday night and I'm sure after all this walking I'm going to have a baby. I had some contractions, some close together, some serious ones. but in the long run, nothing substantial, and NO Addiston.

Friday morning rolls around and somehow I find myself at a different mall in another part of the city, despite my sweet husbands heed, (he is after all the one who had to rub my feet Thursday night). But like I said earlier, Tiffany is a teacher, what else is she gonna do?

From a source unrelated to the stair walking suggestion, I read that red raspberry leaf tea can induce labor. There happens to be a wonderful specialty tea store in Friday's mall, Teavanna-if you haven't tried it you should, it'll rock your world) so we stopped in and those girls already knew what I wanted. They had seen us pass by the store (a few times) and saw my hugeness and were more than eager to up-sell me on everything I even tried, and boy did they!!

We walked for four hours at a good pace before we stopped for lunch, at which I realized I was having some pretty regular contractions, (About ten minutes apart) both of us were pretty tired from the day, and previous day's activities, so we decided to just browse some stores in a strip outside the mall. I don't know if it was every type of hot pepper I got on my sandwich at lunch or the even keel of our pace after lunch, or possible the two cups of tea I had consumed throughout the day, but my contractions picked up big time. They were about five minutes apart and getting less than pleasant.

The best way I know to describe a contraction is the tightening of a muscle. slowly. At first it doesn't hurt, you can tell it's happening, but muscles are made to be flexed. It gets tighter and tighter until it really hurts and it's hard to breathe. Then after a while, it's slowly releases.

After I got home last night I continued having contractions, spread out a little bit more but increasing in intensity. The doctor's told me not to come into the hospital until they were five minutes apart and increasing in intensity for a few hours. So I waited. I was averaging about ten minutes apart through out the evening so no hospital for me.

So we wait, and we wait some more. and hopefully this baby girl will make her grand entrance sometime this weekend.

Oh and for those of you wondering, the average human walks at a pace of 2.7mph so in the past two days, Tiffany and I have walked over 24 miles. Just in case you wanted to know!

A close call

So this morning I had another of my weekly doctor's appointments.

Last week I arrived 2 minutes late for my appointment and Jared about 10 minutes late but really it was no big deal because we sat in the waiting room for over an hour waiting to be called back. Today I arrived 5 minutes early and told Jared not to worry about rushing there from work to be there on time because it would be a waste. Well boy was I wrong. I had just started reading my new book that Jared bought me when the nurse called me back.

Jared wasn't there yet so I asked her if we could wait for him and she said we can't wait but I'll bring him back as soon as he gets here.

I stalled going to the bathroom and called him telling him to hurry.

They weighed me, (I gained 1 pound) took a urine sample, measured my belly (36 inches from top to bottom-a little bit small) took my blood pressure (98/70) and listened to the heartbeat (135-the slowest it has ever been, but thats normal at this point) the nurse left and I waited for the doctor hoping she would take a while. I checked my phone, it had only been 8 minutes since I called Jared, and it takes at least 15 for him to make it there from work.

The doctor walked in. She informed me that my group B strep test that they had preformed at my last visit was negative, (1 less shot I have to get when I'm in labor) and she checked my cervix. I'm still only 50% effaced but I am starting to dilate. Not enough for them to think there will be a baby this week but I'm almost 1 centimeter. (only 9 1/2 to go-ha)

The doctor and I discussed the possibility of induction if this little girl doesn't come out naturally which is a total possibility because of scar tissue and issues I have had in the past. She informed me that she didn't want to schedule anything early but would make an appointment for the week of June 7th sometime (letting me know at my next appointment the exact date and time) and if she came before that we would simply cancel the induction.

She signed my discharge and went on her way, I got dressed and walked out into the hallway just in time for Jared to walk in, he missed all the action :( He did show up and was glad that everything was ok but didn't get to be in on any of the important stuff which bummed me out big time.

Jump ahead a few hours.

I'm at home and not feeling to hot. I decided to take it easy and lay down on the couch for a bit. I was having some cramps and when I went to the bathroom discovered I had been bleeding, not just spotting, bleeding.

I called the doctor, of course they had to take a message and call me back so in the mean time I pack all the last minute stuff to go to the hospital, toothbrushes, deodorant, my favorite pillow, the stuff you need but use every day.

Well when the doctor called be back she said that for some people the beginning stages of labor can feel like cramps from a menstrual cycle, which is exactly what I was feeling, she told me to go lay down immediately, stay that way for at least 6 hours, and drink tons of water. Not that it is a bad thing for Addiston to come now just that if my body was stressed from being poked and prodded and was going into labor because of that rest and fluids would stop labor but if it was really time for her to come nothing could stop it.

Well 4 hours of rest and fluids later and the cramping has stopped, the bleeding is still there but I'm told not to worry about that for now as long as it stays light and my water doesn't break of course!

So bed rest, I've only been on it for a short time and I've decided it's not for me! I've watched really crappy daytime tv, read a few chapters in my new book (which I love my husband for buying me) and folded some clean towels. Boredom has already reared it's ugly head and Jared won't be home for another three hours.