Mothers Day

Once again it's been too long since I've posted!
This pregnancy has seemed more exhausting than my pregnancy with Addiston, which really isn't surprising considering I spend most of my time chasing her and not resting! The hardest part of this pregnancy of lately has been craving food that I was raised on. Jared says that Cincinnati is like a food cult, we have Skyline, LaRosa's, Grippo's, Frische's, and other "northern" foods. I wanted a steak hoagie the other night, called a few places and went in one, no body in the south has even heard of a steak hoagie! You can't get goetta her to save your life-nobody knows what that is either (it's a breakfast dish) and legit skyline chili is out of the question! At least I can get that in cans, it's not exact but it beats a blank.

We've been crossing lots of things off of the "get-done-before-we-have-another-baby" list which has taken up most of our free time. We've taken several car loads to good will trying to clear out space for the new little one and we're well underway on her room, my dad should be coming down soon to finish up the painting (he's a pro-so we figured we'd let him do it) and then all that's left is putting it all together.
We have officially decided to name Baby Girl #2 Isabella Grace Miller. Both of Jared's grandmothers names are Ella and we wanted to incorporate their name into our little one's name. No we are not insane closet Twilight fans, we just like the name! And Grace has always been one of my favorite middle names. Addiston is so sweet trying to say Isabella, the Isa never comes out but the Bella part always does, and in the process she looks as if she's going to vomit, sticking her tongue out all the way while saying bell. It's so funny, we laugh every time we ask her what her little sister's name is.

On Fridays I have a Mom's group that I attend at our church, this was our last meeting before summer and instead of having a formal meeting we decided to drop our kids off at church and head out to get pedicures for mothers day. I'm so grateful to have these women in my life. Most of them have more children than I and older children. They have been through the same sicknesses, trials, and are such a comfort in my life. Addiston had become friends with many of their kids and asks to play with them on a regular basis. Most of the time we find this sweet, but when she was asking for a little boy names Gavin "davin" the other night at chick-fil-a Jared decided she's too young to play with boys.
Addiston is doing quite well potty training, we ask her to sit on her big girl potty every time we need to change her diaper and are using cloth diapers more often so she can tell when she's wet. She always tries to go only is successful about 50% of the time but hey she's only 23 months and is doing great, so we're happy.

Our sweet friend Nathan, who I've mentioned before, got engaged two weeks ago, and asked Addiston to be his flower girl, luckily she's got a while before the big day. Addiston LOVES Nathan, and will have her aunt Kara's wedding under her belt so I'm sure she'll do great.

We're in a great routine right now, Addiston's super playful and we have a great balance between her playing with us and playing by herself. Her favorite thing to do is still read but swinging is a close second. We try and go on walks in the evening when the weather is good or we don't have plans and she loves those.

I had my 28 week appointment and learned that I do NOT have gestational diabetes this pregnancy! Hooray! I was told that I had a very high chance of having them this time so I was shocked when the nurse called and told me I didn't, I am however anemic, so I need to take an iron supplement, so no big struggle here.

In other news one of my best friends came to visit a few weeks ago from Virginia and it was so good to spend some time with my dear Kari, she gave me a book "heaven is for real" and somehow I found the time to read it in two days, it was so sweet, and I loved that she told me that I'm going to have an entourage waiting for me in heaven. Today ironically enough would have been the due date of the baby that we miscarried last fall. It was strange to see in on the calendar, but Jared made this mother's day so special for me and Isabella has been doing summersaults all afternoon, reminding me that I indeed have another miracle growing inside me. Addiston actually telling me Happy Mother's Day and saying "love you mama" was the sweetest thing I ever could have asked for, but her daddy got me spa certificate and a new make-up mirror just in case her sweet blessings didn't cut it.
Yesterday I was a wedding coordinator to another friend Lindsay, she was a beautiful bride and the whole day went smoothly even with a few scattered showers. Her photographer offered me a job at the company she and her husband own as a part time wedding planner/coordinator, so who knows maybe I'll go to a few weddings before this baby is born and put my OCD tendencies to good use!
Well it's a little girls bed time and she's trying to lick the ice cream on her pajamas, so I think I'll go cuddle a bit before I crash myself!

pause

Two weeks ago, I was pregnant.

Quietly, unnoticeably, but very enthusiastically pregnant.

This pregnancy was going to be okay, I was certain of it. I've been pregnant four times before but as many of you know we only have one: Addiston.

We've been down this road. Once we had the slow gradual build up of a high speed roller coaster with the pause and then the let down, like a boulder falling on whylie coyote. We've encountered the excitement and and then endured as it wasn’t but a few days of redecorating house space in my mind and visualizing the way my hands would cradle that itty bitty body when BAM — it was over. My hCG levels plummeted and my body responsibly did its job, repairing the broken space inside and renewing it for another time — a better time when everything would be perfect.

Well, this was it — the perfect time. Because, after the brilliant display of an indisputable pink plus sign on a screen, it had been a good week. And then another good week. And oh, the obvious pregnancy symptoms arrived, and I welcomed the discomfort they brought as good confirmation and a promise that our family would certainly grow as I had hoped and planned.

We do that in life. We hope and plan and dream every day, from little details to monumental life decisions. I may have earned a red belt in life disappointment — I’ve endured one unexpected cervical cancer diagnosis and now four miscarriages — but it’s nothing compared to the black belt of sorrow many others have unwillingly received. But I have to pause and remember that I do have a lot, even with the loss of the little one who was to arrive with the first buds of early spring next year. And I will continue to hope and plan that our family will grow and our girl will be a big sister some day.

Time

So I've started this post half a dozen times and nothing seems to sound right. I write and re-write and read and then frantically jam on the delete button like i'm tapping out the melody to "we will rock you"

This weekend was emotionally draining. It was one of those times when you know that you're doing good, not well-good, but there were growing pains. I had two good friends have two different yet related problems both of which shook me to my core. I hate that I've had to be more grown up than I want to be at times in my life. Unfortunately I've had some not so pleasant experiences, including multiple miscarriages and traces of cancer, but by the grace of God and an understanding, patient, husband I've grown from them. So the last two day's Addiston and I have partaken in a little thing I like to call retail therapy!


There are times when I have no idea what to say-shocked aren't you! But I know that when I was going through a hard time I just wanted someone there beside me. No words were necessary! Sometimes I begged for no words.
My parents were the worst people to be in a tense situation with, my dad hums different show tunes and pop music from the before I was born while my mom makes lists of anything pertinent to the given situation. Then if we are in a doctor's office my dad will pick up one of the falling part children's books and start reading you green egg's and ham as if that will make you feel better when you're being tested for some rare disease!

Wow-tangent, I love you dad!


I believe that the world is full of good people, good things, and good intentions, (like my dad's singing of the andy griffith theme song) I see good every day in the stories I read and people I encounter, and yet I’m privy to the fact that the world has its share of ugly too. I hate that I've been face to face with the ugly in the world and I hate even more that my friends have to as well, the thought of Addiston someday having to experience the pain that our fallen world causes, is unbearable, but as my friend amber said, maybe I had to go through my valley so that I could help her through. You don't tread alone my dear.

I was called strong this weekend, and I was shocked-speechless. Here's a little secret, I feel like the least strong person in the world. Most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing, what I should be doing or if what I am doing, I'm doing right! But I do know fear, I know pain and I know that a smile goes a long way, a prayer goes even further and having someone who can just sit with you when your in pain is a blessing.


*Sorry if this post was confusing or depressing! I'll be more chipper next time!*

Goodnight!

Behold...

In true fashion our weekends go from 0 to 60 in no time flat. This weekend was no exception and with it came a whole slew of variety to every aspect of our crazy lives. Friday night I was honored to have the opportunity to address over a hundred women from many generations. I was intimidated by their wisdom and faith but a strength that was not my own pushed me through and behold... HEALING!


12 dear friends came to help uplift me and pull me through. (I forgot to get a picture with all of them.) It hurts to relive some parts of the past, the pain and fear that I was forced to face and too young of an age. To be vulnerable and try to make it clear that I truly feel blessed beyond my own deserving to have this little miracle we call Addiston in my life! So take that three miscarriages and cervical cancer! I was nervous which to be honest was very unlike me but it was what my soul needed and afterwards we celebrated with desserts! That's healing baby!

Saturday arrived bright and early and led me to these girls, they are so precious and I love that I get to teach them something that I used to love to do, and that they get to teach me that there is nothing like the faith of a child!

Behold: cuteness.

Behold: tired little girls, but still, cute!


Last night we gathered. I'll admit I don't know everything about football, I know who the center is, what a quarterback does and a few other necessities. Other than that I appreciate the cheerleaders, halftime show and the commercials. The boys were mesmerized by the game, hooping and hollering whenever the packers scored a touchdown. The women payed minimal respect to the happenings of the sport but we enjoyed the chaos and of course the company.


My friend kari made a fabulous cake and her creative juices are something to be reckoned with! This was not a shaped pan people, she carved it! (and it tasted as good as it looked)

I certainly don't have to love football to be appreciate the coming together of people all rooting for the same cause. Addiston learned the name of the game quick, we stare for a while, then we jump up and down making a lot of noise and clap our hands! We're the first of our southern friends to have kids so of course she got all the attention, she'd make her rounds, crawling from little conversation circle to her daddy then from me to the one learning to crochet.



The little ones first tooth broke through the gums last night. It's little and razor sharp but it's there!

Behold, $8 art! HGTV inspired. Woven placemats, a few S hooks and a piece of bamboo.


The snow's coming down heavy outside, and unfortunately I still need to go the grocery store. Down here when ever there is even the prediction of flurries the stores are chaotic, swarming with southerners who whole up in their houses for days because they were born here, and they don't know how to drive much less survive in the snow without a months worth of groceries to give them comfort. (point for any city north of the Ohio river!) There may be different ways and measures of acquiring the need to feel united, to celebrate something good, but when it all boils down, the fact remains that I am fueled by the victories of the past, the potential of the present and the promise of the future. While there is war and hatred and discrimination in our world at this very moment, there is also a growing number of people who are working to create a culture where everyone is valued and celebrated, people are healing people. So, if you've ever basked in the joy of celebration--in blowing out candles or leaping off the couch to cheer a touchdown, in clinking glasses to toast a new year, a new job, a new baby, to catch up-- you know what it feels like. And behold it's good, eh?