memories

The other day my friend Sarah told me that, if in five years our circle of friends isn't here, she's glad we're in each others life, even if just for this part. It was what I needed to hear. Not in a rude, way like, good I'm glad I won't have to be putting up with you much longer, but because it's something that I struggle with: living in the here and now, not planning out my next step, but she's right, right here, right now at this stage of my life I have the exact perfect people surrounding me. Funny how that always seems to work out.

I remember my mom taking us to all sorts of random things when we were younger; kite flying day at church, make your own bird feeder at the park, she'd buy art projects for us to do at home (still does) and clips articles of animals once spotted in her grand children's yard and mails it to them, to teach them and because she was hell-bent on making a memory. Except my mother would never say "hell-bent"

Well yesterday was my first mom-forcing-child-to-make-memories-with-an-educational-twist experience. AKA Addiston's first Gymboree class! I've lived here for almost two years now, and I've driven past the place a few dozen times. It's right by one of my favorite malls, yes, that's shallow, but, to tell the truth I thought the mommy track was a few years off but since she arrived I've always wanted to be there, between those bright red and blue padded walls, fully embracing the crazy embarrassing mom within. And now that I have a kid and am, well, hell-bent on filling my mother's shoes, it was high time we made the excursion!

So we did, and she was great, she is most definately her father's daughter but she was great.

She was reserved, taking it all in, watching the little wobbly 14 month old veterans to see how things were done then if she felt confident in her ability to do what they did she'd give it a try. (I'd of been all dude watch me do this crazy trick that I've never done before but sure as the sky is blue I'll probably be able to do it on my first try and better than you ever thought about-humble I know). If someone stole her toy she'd just grab a new one. Totally her father's daughter, just all calm and chill, like oh, ok, you'd like to play with that toy? ok I'll grab this one and we can still be friends.

She tried new things, like crawling up ramps, and balancing on a beam, climbing up odd little purple ladders.

And it was nice, to be the proud mama. Standing there side by side with three time mom's who get excited right along with you. Who are impressed by the fact that your kid didn't shed a single tear at her first class. And impressive she was. But it was nice, to be in the company of my people, the people who get me. The one's that just tilt their head and smile at your pride, it's refreshing and welcomed.

I've been going through this weird funky stage of feeling isolated, I don't know if that's really the right word for it but we don't have a lot of parent friends and while we love our friends it's different, not bad, just different, so when Amy Poehler recently gave the commencement speech to Harvard's Class of 2011, while very funny, it held some poignant truths, that rang out to me:

"Be open to collaboration. Other people and other people's ideas are often better than your own. Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you. Spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life. No one is here today because they did it on their own. ...take your risks now. As you get older, you become more fearful and less flexible..."

I think you can put those words to parenting?!? That it's good to have people who get it, the one's who have the proud smile and extra wipes. But at the same time it's nice to have mostly pre-child friends who can babysit, and have innovative ways to try and get your little one to go to sleep.

So take from it what you will, that you need people around you, all sorts of people, and in the cosmic scheme of things it always works out that the right person is always there. Some people get recycled, they were there when you were 5 helpin you learn to use the bathtub as a slip & slide, and they're there when your 24 and trying to keep your kid from slip & slidin' in the tub. Others are in your life like a one hit wonder, for a brief minute of support and encouragement, givin you the warm heebie geebie feeling then they're gone, but you've got the great memories they left you with.

growing

The little one has become increasingly interested in "real food" she usually prefers baby food but always wants to try our food. It has made me increasingly aware of what I eat. If I'm sitting in front of her eating a sandwich and chips, I have no problem ripping off a piece of whole wheat bread and letting her munch on it, or some all natural cheese, she doesn't tend to like the tomato or onion, and she'll normally forgo the second offering of my sandwich for some of her food but will unavoidably yell and reach for my potato chips, which I will NOT share with her. So with little eyes seeing everything and her new ability to mimic almost everything I do we have begun munching on apple slices, veggies, or more baby sharable snacks!

She is growing up so much, she reaches for things and turns them over and over in her hands as if she's inspecting them trying to figure out how they work, she climbs on top of things and has mastered going up the stairs, she will randomly start laughing and I can't wait until she can tell me why she thinks the meat section of the supermarket is so hilarious. It's only a few short weeks until her birthday and the pink decor has already begun to take over the spare bedroom! She even got her first present in the mail the other day! From her BFF Lily!


**********

Wednesday I was shaken, Shaken in a way that allowed things to shift the ground beneath me and unsettle everything. A dear friend lost her mother to cancer. I cried; called Jared and my dad. It consumed me for the rest of the day and well into the night. I whispered her name, prayed for the family, closed my eyes and tried to will peace into their brokenness. You hear of these things on the news, they seem totally normal. But I know this family. And the looming truth of Sometimes Bad Things Happen to Good People made me feel stifled and afraid. I hurt for her and what hurst the most is knowing that there is nothing I or anyone can do make her hurt any better.


I held Addy a little tighter, that night, knowing that I won't always be here, and someday she'll have to go it on her own.

There will never be answers for so many of life's grandest questions, and the unsettling ground of "what if" will shake us as parents many times along this journey. And while pain does not flow well with what we all have in mind for our future and what we strive every to day to achieve, it is a part of this world and the great catalyst for challenging us to love bigger and better every day.

The rawness of Wednesday's reality will fade, allowing me to sink back into the mundane rhythms of daily life: to-do lists, projects, shoes, new recipes, wants, frustrations. Because our brains are not Bible bookstore plaques and, while it would be nice to be programmed to "Seize the Day" and look "On the brighter side" at every given second, the unimportant has its place too, balancing the defining moments, softening the blows. We need unimportant. And, as crazy as it sounds, we need to forget once in awhile, to get lost in silly pleasures like shoes and coffee, movies and books, planning trips and renovating bathrooms. Together, it brilliantly combines for a good life, allowing moments we remember. The important and the unimportant, the good and the bad, the growing pains accompanied by the different seasons of our lives.

forgo

Sorry for the blogging hiatus, we've been preoccupied with life and as much as I love sharing my life sometimes you just can't do everything, sometimes when you're juggling a hundred things one's bound to fall, like laundry! When I get busy I choose to forgo doing laundry, just casually let it pile up till it's as tall as I am and we are all running out of underpants.

Jared was out of town for a week. Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. I love to travel, as does he, so we tried to make it a family vacation but couldn't get the little one a passport fast enough so he went, we stayed and I was filled with jealousy however we will not be giving up any more excuses to travel so passport papers are being prcessed! My dad came down for a few days to keep me company and it was so sweet to see Addiston warm up to him and it was nice that he let me sleep in an extra hour or so after she decided that 6 am is an appropriate wake up time.

Jared was able to skype us a few times, and sure enough Addiston would charge the laptop trying to tackle him and grab at his face, it was sweet and terrifying all at the same time.

Addiston is getting so much better at walking, she's up to 10 steps between people, she still won't walk on her own, you have to stand her up and back away, but she could if she wanted to so we're keeping a close eye on her because it's gonna happen soon and then we're in big trouble!

While Jared was gone I got a few days of just me and my girl and while I loved every minute of it being girl time I also got a rude awakening of what it would be like to be a single parent and decided that I'm NOT cut out for it. I gained a new appreciation for the Daddy and all he does, and how much my girl loves him. She was sooo excited to see him when he got home and my body has been on strike from getting up in the middle of the night since he got back-i have no idea how that happened.

Jared came home from work Monday night and asked me to unpack his lunch box for him, he was playing with the baby so i chose to forgo reminding him that I'm his wife not his maid I obliged, I plopped the teal 1980's square igloo wanna-be on the counter and unzipped it, much to my surprise there was no leftover food inside, no tupperware containers with moldy veggies or caked on microwave-baked-on cheese but a box for a brand new video camera, (something I wanted to buy but didn't think was in the budget) after confirming that he didn't steal it from work but in fact bought it, I was elated. He reminded me that our little one is on the verge of walking on her on any day now and that he didn't want to miss recording those memories. This of course after he suggest I just rapid-fire take pictures of her walking and then we make a flip book! I'm glad that I have a husband who understands the necessity to smudge the bottom line every once in a while for family memories!

ok well there's a little one attempting to climb over my shoulder and shove her pacifier in my mouth so I'll leave you but I promise not to stay away so long next time!

11 months

Today is Addiston's last monthly birthday.
It had slipped my mind until this morning when I was pouring a cup of coffee and tucking "going out" mail in Jared's lunchbox when the date was realized, I felt excited for her and sad at the same time. We celebrated the first few months of her magical life with as much celebration as the daddy would allow me. The sixth month was the last one that we made a big fuss of and then today I was saddened by the thought that the next time the anniversary of her birth rolls around it will mark a year and well that's just too much. She's getting too big too fast and I wish I could just slow it down a bit.



This past weekend marked another trip to Ohio, my sister-in-law watched Addy Friday night so Jared and I could attend one of my dear friends wedding. I loved knowing that my girl was safe and there was a comfort that came with the knowledge of another mama who's been there and updates you with hourly picture messages while caring for your little, not to mention that I'm pretty sure she owes me for the dozens of times I've watched her kids! The wedding was beautiful, the ceremony was emotional and the scenery was so picturesque that it made me want to renew my vows just so I could copy what she had.



We stayed with my oldest brother Friday night and Saturday stayed in our sweats till 2 pm when we finally decided to go out for lunch. The day was relaxed and comical as we watched the older children entertain themselves with my little one.

The unfortunate part of going home to visit is that once you are there, you begin to remember what you gave up to move away. I'm so grateful for my big brother and that no matter how old we get he's still there to support me and encourage me, to protect me and I know that no matter what he's got my back and usually a joke. But maybe you can have the best of both worlds. Sometimes it's hard, but most of the time you make it work, the here and there. Where staying home and going home mean two different things but somewhere in between, there's a happy middle, like the fact that I can make my family and still be a part of one.

Addiston has had some trouble sleeping lately, crying when we put her down until Jared is in there by himself doing the sleepy baby dance. If I put her down she cries endlessly, if we're both in there she feels ganged up on and she won't even close her eyes. Jared has become the baby whisperer, which seems problematic considering he's gearing up to leave the country for the next 10 days. She wakes up for no apparent reason in the middle of the night inconsolable. We tag team rocking and patting her on her lil butt that she traditionally hoists in the air when she sleeps. Last night I Cracked, gave into tears and made Jared bring her into our room, she slept in between us for the first time ever. I may have accidently elbowed her once but I just couldn't take another sleepless night. Naptime is no exception, there are tantrums and fits of tears. So we're gonna have to figure out this sleep thing all over again, any tips are more than welcome!

To accompany the sleepless nights the little one decided that lunchtime was an appropriate time to crash!

Preparations are well under way for her first birthday party and while I'm excited and love watching her grow, today I plan on celebrating her eleventh month!

addicted

Oh wow so much is going on in the world I actually find myself WANTING to watch the news: very unlike me, it's like I'm craving the newness of knowledge and I'm totally addicted to all the dignified accents. I did watch the royal wedding and I don't care if you judge me I loved it and I teared up, why? because I'm a girl and I like weddings, and Kate's dress was amazing and it's history people!

I think we brought the Ohio weather with us when we came home last Sunday. The weather has been bi-polar and can't seem to make up it's mind as to whether it wants to be springy and warm or frigid and spawn a tornado. Nonetheless spring has sprung and that means a infusion of fresh ingredients have entered my kitchen, the girls new favorite: Strawberries, they leave red splotchy stains on all of her clothes but she's so cute when she eats them that I'll settle for buying the industrial size spray & wash.



We made do with wacked out weather by catching up on house work and preparing for Jared's old college roommate and family to come visit this weekend, if I haven't mentioned I'm extatic that they were able visit and LOVED that our girls got to meet each other.

Glad not to have twins!


Addiston has been standing solo all week, just spur the moment she'll pop up. Like hey this toy is sweet but look what I can do, (dramatic pause as she makes sure someone's paying attention) and then the slow elevation of her little self to standing. Without holding onto anything, just up she goes and if either her ma-ma or her pa-pa are near by she'll attempt a few steps. Normally finishing off with a dive into one of our laps but hey there's walking goin' on and I'm addicted to how excited she gets after the process, sitting up on her knees bouncing up and down, it's so cute it should be video taped but we're at a loss for a camcorder so a fast clicking camera will make do!

On a random side note, sweet-tart jelly beans are my new obsession. I'm usually not a candy person but they were 50% off and looked appealing so I put them in Addy's easter basket and have been destroying them all week.

Behold, big girl jammies. The top is too tight and the bottoms are too long but they are precious and they were cheap and I love that the shirt says "beauty sleep" on it!


Preparations are now underway for the little one's first birthday party and can I say that I'm a little excited. I had amazing birthday parties growing up, because I did. Games, crafts, amazing decked out cakes, sleep overs, and the epitome of all parties, dirty bingo! If you don't know what dirty bingo is, your missing out, because it's like sweet-tart jelly beans you'll get addicted!