Wednesday, October 19, 2011

stream of consciousness

It is about this time of year that I crave shutting everything off, trading on-the-go schedules for quiet ones revolving around crossword puzzles and new books. And while I still enjoy the thrill and the challenge of juggling activities and opportunities, I smile with the knowledge that the last months of the year bring togetherness and fellowship. Addressing Christmas cards, searching for new recipes, spending time with friends, decorating the house, and tunneling my efforts into what matters most...our family.

It has been two weeks since my last post and for that I am sorry. I'm been finishing some projects (more on that another time) and starting others. And unlike most of our friends who had summer vacation where they were here and there and tried to fit as much as they could into those few months of freedom provided by the good ol' mother nature, our busy season is just starting up.


I had to put myself on a clean schedule and I must admit it's working out but at the same time I must admit that I hate it. Since we've been married I've done a pretty good job of keeping up with the house and I don't know what happened in the last two months but all of a sudden I couldn't get a room dusted to save my life. So a schedule was made, and Jared picked some house "chores" off a list that according to him was too long. I've been abiding by my daily tasks and am very happy to say that the house is dust free and the floors-well hopefully they're clean because earlier tonight I let my kid eat goldfish off of them.

I don't know what to say when people compliment my life. I hear the, "you're always on top of things," and "you have your stuff together," "you're life is perfect." But I don't feel like I've done anything "right" to deserve this life. To be a stay at home mom to a beautiful little girl whom I adore, I assuredly didn't have the brain power to construct some of the stuff my super talented husband has and sometimes I feel guilty that I don't have a corporate job to help pay for the house and cars. My life is not perfect, there are times when I stub my toe and mutter a word that I pray Addiston doesn't pick up. Jared and I have to apologize to each other, I have to reality check myself when I want to go out and Addy just isn't in the mood. I skip showering more days than I'd like to admit and I haven't gotten to call my sisters in more time than my call history will show. But I try to look at the brighter side and it helps that I'm Type A and maybe slightly OCD. I know that staying home with a sometimes cranky 16 month old is a HUGE blessing. That I can make up new expletives like "garfunkle" and that my husband is more that happy to work so that I can. That I can pick up with my sisters right were we left off.


This past weekend was pumpkin fest and I may have had a minor melt down (that Jared handled like a champ if I might add) right as we were pulling into the corn field turned parking lot because I forgot my camera. He offered to turn around so I could get it (back at my parents, not in Nashville) but I declined and we had a good time without documentation. But I later did borrow my parents house to her with some ohio fall action.


I try to keep up on stuff, sending birthday cards, sale's at my favorite store, cooking, cleaning, what's going on in my friends lives but it doesn't always happen. Sometimes, it's laborious and I'm critical and it just feels like I'm trying too hard. Sometimes that's true. But you do what you do, so Sorry if I missed sending you a birthday card but on the brighter side I have another chance next year!


No, there are not enough hours in a day to fit it all in. Our passions, our talents, our friends, our kids, our jobs, our list of to dos. And the answer to "How does she do it?" is probably always going to be "...the best she can."

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